It’s been a while since I’ve posted, and there is a reason for that. I am terrible at sticking with things once I start them. I am a serial un-finisher. If I had followed through on all the projects I began I would have to live five times in order to complete them. So I’m rededicating myself to this particular blog because, on the whole, I believe it is here that I actually have something to say. I am a social worker through and through. This can, at times, be difficult to fully embrace. I wonder why I seem to lack empathy in certain situations that would kill other people emotionally. I get burnt out and find myself rushing through my day. I shut myself off to the present moment and allow my mind to wander on to the next thing I have to do before I even finish what I’m doing. I count productivity rather than quality when I should be paying attention to both. I don’t give myself completely to my work when I am blessed to be in a unique position in which I can make an enormous difference on a daily basis. In other words, I can be one selfish motherfucker.
When I’m not creating and sharing my soul suffers. I become wrapped up in my rigid routines and get resentful at anyone or anything that threatens to derail them. I become disgusted with myself while harboring the unwillingness to change. I miss out on life because I focus only on myself. It may seem that I am wallowing in self pity, but I can assure you that I am not. I don’t expect anyone to fix anything for me. I have learned from ample experience that I can only do that myself. Feeling lost and isolated and knowing that you’re only doing it to yourself is a bad headspace. I’ve gotten to the point of mental and spiritual exhaustion and depletion. I need a recharge. I need to write and, in order to do so, I need to be actively engaging with the world. This post might be a bunch of bullshit babble, but I just had to get something down in order to start. Time to get to work.